Letter from prison

hi mum,

I’m looking at the things I did
those months when I was free,
how often I have hurt you,
while you have cared for me.
all those times I bullied you;
I should have let you be.

as much as I need prison
I know it will be hell
but I have made a mess of things
and this may make me well
though whether you’ll forgive me
only time will tell

now I ask nothing of you
I’ve given up the right
if you should want to turn your back
I won’t put up a fight.
I won’t resist if you choose
to banish me from sight

so many empty promises
so many tricks and lies
so many times you trusted me
when you looked in my eyes
but eyes can be deceiving;
an intimate disguise

as I look back at recent months
I’m filled with guilt and shame
I’m sorry that I caused you
such agonies of pain
I promise that I’ll never do
those things to you again

please understand my one request;
don’t visit me in jail
just know I love you very much
and don’t want this to fail
if I don’t feel the loss of you
my weakness may prevail

I’m looking at the things I did
those months when I was free,
how often I have hurt you,
while you have cared for me.
I promise I will try to find
a better way to be

Β©Jane Paterson Basil

Author: janebasilblog

Jane sits around and writes a bit, then she does some other stuff, then she sits around and writes a bit more, then she eats something. Sometimes, at night, she goes to bed.

14 thoughts on “Letter from prison”

    1. This is my poetic translation. The letter itself was much more poignant and lovely, but I couldn’t bring myself to share it.
      It was probably the most moving thing he has ever written to me, and it made me cry, but I will proceed with caution. I sent him an affectionate email, but told him I plan to ask his sister, Claire to mediate between us when he comes out of prison – she can sense drugs better than a sniffer dog. I’m not taking any risks, and don’t want to see him unless someone we both trust is present.

      Liked by 1 person

      1. It only occurred to me as I was reading his letter. I don’t know how long I’ll have to keep it up, but it has to work, because I’m going to try to write posts on here to record how it’s going, and if it works it may encourage others who are in my position – and brave enough to admit it to someone who’s prepared to mediate – to try it. Maybe it could make a difference. Many addicts bully parents into giving them money.

        Liked by 1 person

  1. Hi Jane. Your post resonates so closely with my situation. At the time of writing this comment to you, my son is in prison awaiting a committal hearing. His drug dependency has resulted in him being incarcerated. I would love you to read my blogs – I am new to blogging and new to being the mother of a prisoner.

    Liked by 1 person

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