My aching soul


I have exercised my brain, trained it to take the pain
and learnt to stay well in spite of the strain
as they released the abuse with each fleeting caprice
teaching each other how to steal a bigger piece of me
to fleece my peace of mind and my wallet and stability
I’ve increased my ability to lift my leaden feet
and stare steadfastly ahead, treading where it’s safe
delicately threading my way around the pain
and every time it’s easier to do it all again
But sometimes I take a tumble and I crumble inside
when she shouts and she mumbles and there’s nowhere to hide
from her unloving and unlovable drug touched madness
as she fills my aching soul with anger and sadness
the crushing heartbreak is too much to take
My knees start to bend and my body folds double
my head feels heavy and I know I’m in trouble
as I sink to the floor and roll myself tight
my heart is loudly pounding like it’s ready for a fight
To stop a choking groan I close my throat up tight
fog is roaming round the room and it’s limiting my sight
my skin is buzzing and there’s screaming in my ears
my brain is talking to my body but my body can’t hear
I find a soothing phrase and say it over and over
and with every repetition I can feel myself recover
then to remove the film of metaphorical slime
I take up my laptop and I type this rhyme.

© Jane Paterson Basil