Will I ever learn?

I’m at my support group meeting, Families Anonymous; created for the benefit of the families and friends of addicts, and I decide to share my triumph.

I say that I am learning to cope with my children’s addictions.

As soon as the words hit the outside world and are heard by my anonymous siblings in suffering, I know that they’re a lie. I’m not learning to let the pain pass me by, or making the most of my own life no matter what unsolved troubles surround me.

I’m feeling happier than I have for a very long time, but that’s only because my son’s ability to damage me has been limited by his lack of access while he is in prison, and my daughter’s behaviour has improved since she escaped the madness of legal highs.

As soon as he is free and she whips up another crisis my muscle will probably crumble and die.

I doubt I’ve learnt anything, and I wonder if I ever will.

Written for The Daily Post #Learning

©Jane Paterson Basil

Author: janebasilblog

Jane sits around and writes a bit, then she does some other stuff, then she sits around and writes a bit more, then she eats something. Sometimes, at night, she goes to bed.

24 thoughts on “Will I ever learn?”

  1. I come from a family of addicts, it to watch their worlds crumble over and over again hurts. Some will lie even while on their high…and it makes me feel betrayed. But then there is the family member or two that truly live sober. It took years but all it took was a want for change…why can’t everyone want a change for a more fulfilling life?

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    1. I don’t know why, but my son has admitted that he feels a desire to destroy himself.He said he felt it kick in when he came out of prison one time. He started off positive, then suddenly he felt self-destructive.
      So sorry for your troubles. It’s all too common these days, but that doesn’t make it any easier, particularly when there’s a strong genetic link to the disease, as with both your family and mine.

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      2. Her boyfriend dumped her because she two-timed him with an ex with whom she had a mutually (mentally) abusive relationship. Her boyfriend (a psychologist who messed his life up on drugs) isn’t an abuser, so it was never going to work. Being with him brought her too close to getting clean, and she got scared. I’ve just spent the afternoon getting her emergency housing so she won’t be on the streets. She’s in a shocking state, and now she’s gone to buy drugs. She probably won’t make it to her room, and we’ll be back at square one.

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  4. Ah, it is a tough journey. From a Mom who has been there with an addict son. We can only move on knowing we are not responsible for their actions. But by golly, we wish we could change it for the better. Hope and courage to you.

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    1. Thank you Hélène, for your kind message of support. If, when my two youngest children became addicts, I had foreseen the destruction and pain that would follow, I’m not sure I’d be here now, but time goes on; we survive, and we relearn how to smile and laugh.

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  5. Sometimes it’s hard to see the forest for the trees. It seems to me that you are stronger and more positive. Even baby steps forward are still steps forward 🙂

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      5. Too self-absorbed I expect to stop and think about the impact on others regardless of who those others may be. The nature of the beast we call addiction 😦

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  6. We need hope and trusting that whatever is going to happen is out of our hands. It is so hard as a Mom to see our children destroying themselves this way, their health, lives and everything else this entails. I remember the days I would see my son on the street heading over to his dealer. I would literally run after him in the middle of the street to try to stop him, or tried many times to pick him up in the car on his way to the dealer. None of this worked and he went ahead and got his dope. There is a blessing though at the end of my story….he finally has gotten clean and has been so for the last 3 years. He smokes marijuana only and this is to help him with his Multiple Sclerosis debilitations. I guess he is addicted to the pot but that is nothing compared to what it was like before with hard drugs. The pot is under control and he never over does it but uses only what he needs in one day. So far there is hope for them. I wish it with all my heart for your own children.

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    1. Once an addict has made a decision has to use it’s impossible to change their mind. They will hurt anybody and take any risk to get what they want. Thank you for sharing you’re story with me. Few things make me happier than reading a happy ending like yours. My daughter will probably not live much longer – her body is shutting down, and none of the professionals who have worked with her can understand how she’s lasted this long, but I hope thaat if she dies, I will contiue to celebrate the good news of other families of addicts.
      I’m aware that lots of people with MS and many other conditions smoke cannabis to help with the symptoms, and why not?
      You must be very proud of your son – it’s tough digging out of that hole.

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      1. It is a long road to recovery and so many slips down the slope in between. It must be really difficult for you living this right now. I pray for your daughter. Sending you some love, keep positive.

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      2. Love and prayers go a long way.
        My daughter was an unhappy, troubled, child is a very unhappy woman. Death would be a release for her, though not for me. Meanwhile, where there is life, there is hope.
        I’m grateful for your kind words and thoughts xxx

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